Attack Of The Killer Death Squirrel!
by Shinnypichu88
Summary: A certain individual seeks revenge after his family is murdered, years later his plans are brought into fruition and he makes his move. a story about unholy alliances, crazy psychopaths, and anti climatic fights all wrapped into one pretty little package!
1. Authors Note

**-10/18/2013**

**Well here's the Revised story, i'll try to upload a new chapter once a week until i reach 10 on the scroll bar.**

**also, i'm trying something new, this chapter will contain all my AN's so it'll be updated regularly!**

**Enjoy the story now that all the sugar has worn out, maybe now it'll make more sense!**

**i felt bad that the final chapter ended so plainly...so this is my way of saying sorry!**

**and don't forget to Review and vote on my pole! it makes me feel special :D**

**-10/19/2013**

**i decided to fuck it and upload as i finish!**

**also, events may change a bit but the story will still be the same.**

**-10/20/2013**

**it seems I've forgotten to add disclaimers so i'll do that now "i don't own the Toaru series at all" **

**also, stay tuned for a "serious" story called A Certain Rewrite.**


	2. Prolouge

Academy City is known as the most advanced city in the world. It is also considered a dominant super power due to its technology, research, and espers, having seven that can take on entire armies! (Despite their obvious personality problems)

To the average person, the city seems to be heaven on earth, but the trained eyes know the truth…

And now, a certain individual has decided to rise up against the darkness and take it down…

Along with everything it holds dear!

"_Just you wait,_" the voice thought "_I'm coming for you, and when I do you will know pain!_"

_…Flashback…_

_It was a cold evening when it had happened, he was just returning home after a long day of gathering food when he noticed an enormous black cloud over the sky. _

_He also noticed it was coming from his home._

_His flight or fight reflex took over and with all the strength he could muster he ran toward the smoke, dropping all the food he had gathered in the process._

_…End of Flashback…_

The owner of the voice began making its way into the city, its mind on one thing and one thing only, revenge.

…_Flashback…_

_He had arrived about five minutes later and what he saw made his heart sink, it was a girl. She was being taken by very tall looking people into a large building. But that wasn't what caught his attention, no he knew this girl._

_She had saved him when he nearly starved to death._

_So abandoning all reasoning he ran, hoping he would be able to return the favor._

…_End of Flashback…_

The individual began to scale the city's wall. Almost as if it was made for him and entered it undetected.

…_Flashback…_

_He made it into the building and charged without thinking._

_His vision was engulfed in white and he passed out._

…_End of Flashback…_

Tears fell from the individual's eyes which only served to make him angrier. He would succeed and when he did, no one would be left alive!

Although he had to thank his master for teaching him all he knew, the man had also been very specific. He was to try and kill a boy named Kamijou Touma before he pursued his real target.

…_Flashback…_

_When he awoke, he smelled something that sent a chill down his spine._

_It was the smell of burning flesh._

_Quickly he ran outside, only to see his beloved home engulfed in flames._

_He wept._

…_End of Flashback…_

He decided that he should probably focus on getting rid of the cities rumored defense first and set off to locate one of its pesky "defenders"

He found one after about twenty minutes of searching. It wasn't so hard, they were sitting on a bench playing with a small black cat so he simply tossed two blue spheres at them.

They never stood a chance.

…_Flashback…_

_He heard laughter and looked up. He spotted the one responsible and growled._

_How dare she laugh!_

_After all they'd done together, how she dare laugh as she watched his family burn!_

_Without thinking he charged at the silver haired girl, fully intent on ending her._

_He didn't get far, as something kicked him away and he landed in a garbage truck._

…_End of Flashback…_

He grinned and looked up at the sky, it was nearly noon.

He had already hired someone to take care of Kamijou. So all he had to do now was get his revenge, and what's more he had already collected all eight of the cities "guards" now he just had to worry about the control tower, the strong one, and "original"

They wouldn't be too hard to take out.

"_It's finally time you answer for your crimes,_" he thought "_I will make sure of it._"

"_Today will be the day you die,_"

"_Index Librorum Prohibitorum! _"

…

Deep within the confines of the windowless building, Aliester Crowley smirked.


	3. Chapter One: The Lottery of Death!

"You would like to know…what Misaka-sama likes?" the girls repeated, wanting to make sure they heard correctly

"That's right," the one who asked the question replied, she was none other than the level 4 Air Power User Kongou Mitsuko. "A few days ago, she picked up the item that I had lost and returned it to me. I've been thinking of giving her something in return, as a token of my gratitude."

The girls gave their friend a blank stare while said friend began muttering some excuses like her family always had to repay favors.

"well…"maaya began

"WELL DID YOU FIGURE SOMETHING OUT?!" the Aero Hand asked a little tooexcitably

"now that you mention it," the other girl Wannai Kinuho cut in "I think Misaka-sama likes Gekota figures, you see there's a campaign where you have a chance to receive a limited edition Gekota figure," the girl continued, having caught Mitsuko's interests "The campaign seems to be at the Frozen Café near the front of the station…" Mitsuko smiled having found a way to hopefully repay the Railgun, but it seemed like Kinuho wasn't quite done.

"And even though she's been going there every day, she can't seem to win the frog. After the café closes she gets all depressed and becomes the center of attention…then Anti-Skill ends up hauling her away…"

"eeh!? Why!" the air user asked in shock, wondering just how obsessed Misaka was over the frogs to get arrested by Anti-Skill

"Let's put that topic aside, maybe if you help Misaka-sama she would she would say something like; _thank you Mitsuko-san, it's so good to have friends_,"

Mitsuko's nose suddenly exploded as her fantasies reached the breaking point "your mistaken if you think I'm expecting anything in return for repaying the favor! If my friend is troubled, of course I would do anything to help without any hesitation!" the girl cried as she spun around franticly, her bloody nose releasing her life juice all over the street. "Thank you, you two! Now without any delay, I'm off to help Misaka-san!" the girl cried

"We recommend that you stop the bleeding first…" her two friends muttered

Meanwhile at a certain Level 5's house our "hero" was trying to solve his own set of problems…

"Oh come on just give up already and let misaka see you cry begs misaka"

"Like fucking hell!"

Ok…back at the plot!

What caused Misaka Mikoto to become obsessed with the…thing…known as Gekota? Was it neglect, abuse, or all of the above?

Of course not, she's just a child at heart!

(Narrator is shocked to death)

"Thank you Kongou-san, now we'll have double the chances to win the legendary Gekota!" Mikoto said as the due made their way to the establishment. This gave her hope, like all was not lost. Maybe just maybe she could win the legendary Gekota!

"Oh, I'm glad that I'm being helpful so don't worry," the girl replied

"Anyway…" Mikoto trailed off, "WHY IS ANTI-SKILL ALREADY ON STANDBY OUTSIDE!" she cried noticing the city's law enforcement standing just outside the establishment, they caught her glances and one who for some reason was wearing a dog mask, waved at her much to Mikotos frustration "they must be thinking that I won't be able to get it, how rude!" the girl muttered with contempt.

"So the rumors about you getting arrested by Anti-Skill were true after all…" Mitsuko whispered to herself "but," placing an arm on her friends shoulder she continued "it's alright Misaka-san, because together we willget that frog figure!" she finished showing her support with a smile.

"Kongou –san…" the Railgun muttered, moved by her friend's speech

"Now let's aim for the secret frog figure!"

Mikoto bit her lip before breaking out into a full run "RIGHT, GEKOTA HERE WE COME!" she cried

"Excuse us!" Mitsuko apologized as the two friends entered the establishment

Meanwhile…

A young girl sat alone in the classroom, her usual partner for lunch wasn't here at the moment and her back up was also missing leaving her by herself, eating as slowly as possible, to savor every bite, the girl read her book. It was on how to help get others to notice one's presence. The reason she knew it worked was because it was written by award winning authors Kuroko Tetsuya and Dororo. However something caught her eye.

"What's that?' she muttered noticing a figure outside the classroom window, its back was facing her and nobody else seemed to notice the strange…thing…that stood before them. Suddenly an idea hit the girl known as Himegami Aisa like a titanium box full of iron ingots, this was her chance!

"I will become a magical girl" she muttered, and taking out her 'magical stick' and leaving the classroom,

Unnoticed by everyone…

Thus was the normal life of Himegami Aisa…

During this entire "plot" however, our favorite lolicon was continuing his own adventure…

"ice cream, ice cream, Misaka cries as Misaka dances around excitably because Misaka's getting ice cream!" the girl known as Last Order cried happily

"Shut up, shitty brat! It's only because there's nothing else to eat." The albino by known as the Accelerator said

Unknown by the two however, a shadowy figure was following them, determined to get its revenge

_This is all part of the plan…_it muttered, however it was also being followed, by a girl who's presence could rival that of a fully trained ninja (and no, not a ninja from Naruto. Because they don't know what **stealth** means!)

Back at the lame…thing..i call a plot…

"Thank you for waiting" the waitress said nervously. Placing the two Gekota muffins on the table were our 'heroines' sat before leaving as fast as she could.

"This muffin has such an interesting design, well without any delay-"

"HEY, WAIT A SECOND KONGOU-SAN!" a certain level 5 cried, stopping her friend from eating the 'muffin'

"Yes?" the girl asked, confused

"The squid ring inside counts as a lottery ticket, you have to take it out before you eat! Otherwise it won't count," the girl replied, taking out the 'squid ring' from her muffin and stuffing said 'muffin' into her mouth

_You really do act like a child…_ Mitsuko thought as she watched her 'idol' struggle to chew the treat in its entirety. Sighing, she followed suit, but took her time and slowly ate her muffin as opposed to chugging it down like a sugar deprived fat man,

Or a certain magical index…

The treat was actually quite good. However, Mitsuko was interrupted by a certain inpatient scientific railgun

"Dome zez's go bin gegota!" the girl cried (translation: come on, let's go win Gekota!) However a certain voice caught her attention.

"Can you please refrain from staining the honor of Tokiwadai's name through your actions~" the voice asked

"That voice… that annoying voice following me around!" Mikoto muttered, having swallowed the muffin as soon as she heard her "it's got to be, Shokuhou Misaki!" She cried, pointing an accusing finger at the girl, who seemed to appear out of nowhere.

"You guessed right!" the girl said, striking a pose and completely ignoring the fact that the railgun called her annoying

"What business do you have with me here!" she cried, preparing herself for a battle however what she saw shocked her.

As for Mitsuko…she was still eating, and kind of confused as to what was going on around her.

"Isn't that obvious Misaka-san?" The Queen asked in a playful tone as several girls, each wearing a Tokiwadai uniform, began to gather around her "I came to make your life miserable…"

"w..what?"

"Have a look~" the queen said as she opened her purse, revealing several squid rings, shocking the two friends "if each member of my group gets a squid ring for the lottery, it adds up to this unbeatable amount," she said showing the girls the squid rings that filled her bag

"Why did you put them inside a bag…" Mikoto asked giving her a blank stare

"that doesn't matter," the girl replied "this way the special Gekota will be mine, the wretched squid smell coming from my bag simply resembles my grudge for you Misaka-san~"

"No the smell probably resembles your intelligence…" the girl replied but the Mental Out user either didn't hear her or chose to ignore her because she sent off one of her followers to turn in the first squid ring

_"__Still, this is bad! if she turns in all those squid rings she's sure to get the special Gekota…I need to hurry an—" _were Misaka's thoughts until she heard the disappointed cry of one of Misaki's followers

"The first was a miss my queen…" the girl cried holding up the raffle ticket that read _loss_

"Don't worry, the first person to draw is always guaranteed to lose, with my luck and the sheer number of squid rings in my possession we shall obtain the item that Misaka-san is looking for right in front of her!" Misaki cried "and my grudge will be satisfied for the day!"

"A grudge isn't some sort of thing you know…" Misaka replied before realization hit her "and like hell we'd let you!" she cried, obviously the "we" meant her and Mitsuko

Meanwhile a certain someone was doing their own thing…

_"__It seems like I'm being followed, but I can't tell the culprits exact location…,__"_the thing muttered looking around, unknown to it however, the "culprit" was standing right next to it.

_"__It doesn't matter, with my power not even the Railgun will be a threat! now then were is she…,__"_the thing thought as he followed the only lead to his target "_even though the boy has her sent, she hasn't shown up yet… but soon I'm sure of it!__"_

_"__But the more I thing about it…the more it seems I'm forgetting something…__"_

While the thing was following the two, the two were having their own conversation

"Look at this! Look at this!, Misaka cries while Misaka waves the flyer in Accelerators face like an annoying car salesmen!"

"What is it you shitty brat?" the albino replied taking a look at the flyer, the flyer advertised a certain figure being awarded to the lucky winner at a certain café and for some reason Accelerator felt Dred just by looking at it but after seeing the small Misaka's face, he decided to just fuck it and go with it "so you want the fucking frog? Fine! But were not getting ice cream if I have to buy fucking muffins, those things are expensive…" not that it mattered after all he was rich enough to by a couple of islands and blow them up while still having enough money to rent out Tokyo stadium for two entire days.

"Ah you're stingy, Misaka complains while Misaka is secretly excited because Misaka didn't really want ice cream to begin with" the small clone cried with joy

"Shitty brat…" the albino muttered, as the two friends made their way to a certain café, the thing following them all the way.

Back at the sad excuse for a plot, we see The Queen of Tokiwada sitting in a corner, obviously overcome by disbelief, shock, and depression.

"There's a limit to the number of times you can lose…" the broken girl muttered, as her two "opponents" remained flabbergasted

Mikoto was the first to regain her composure, and without giving the well-endowed girl a second thought, attempted to finally gain her prize,"_she has a point, there is a limit to the number of times one could lose! And now thanks to her the number of losing tickets has decreased, the situation has changed for the better!__"_The girl thought "_even Misaka-san has to win every once in a while and it looks like today's the day!__"_Were the Railguns final thoughts as she headed to her destiny!

"Time to refill the Getoka lottery~" the cashier sang, obvious to the pain she was inflicting to a certain level 5.

"wha…no!" the poor middle scholar whimpered.

"Ah, don't worry Misaka-san, there has to be a winning ticket this time!" Mitsuko said, hoping to reassure her idol, who was now at the brink of tears.

However, the two were soon brought back to reality, and left the café. Coincidently leaving as a certain level 5 and a certain clone came in.

And as for Shokuhou Misaki, well she was eventually found by the dorm mistress and returned to whence she came. After a few neck cracks that is…but she wouldn't be found until long after the café closed.

"So in the end we couldn't get the figure after all, and I was so sure I'd win today to…" the railgun Said

"Sorry that I wasn't much help" Mitsuko muttered

"It's fine today was fun anyway wasn't it?" Mikoto said

Mitsuko smiled before replying, "Your right, it was pretty fun!"

But before the girls could get any further in their conversation, a certain devi- I mean clone decided that the rest of the world needed to know of her accomplishment

"I got the pretty frog on the first try! Misaka says as Misaka tries to appeal with her smile!" the girl cried showing Accelerator her prize

"Ha! It looks so stupid," the boy replied as he took a look at the silver haired blue hospital gown wearing Gekota, they personified a frog, which was stupid in his option, although if a certain arch bishop saw the figure, she'd be roaring with laughter.

"WHAT!?" the elite students of Tokiwada cried in complete and utter shock, suddenly, overcome with desire Mikoto lunged at the girl that was technically her clone and cried

"Wait! You, child over there!" was the only warning Last Order received before she noticed an older version of herself pounce toward her like a tiger does its prey

"SHOW IT TO ME!" the girl cried as Last Order let out a terrified shriek.

The incident later ended without any problems, Mikoto was taken by Anti-Skill before being able to admire the Gekota figure and Last Order had only suffered a little mental trauma that would haunt her (and by extension, the entire MISAKA network) in her deepest nightmares (which was surprising, considering the things she'd been through) Accelerator just stood there while the entire thing went on, probably due to the fact that he had witnessed the last thing he'd expected happen right before him. Luckily he finally came back to reality just in time to see the third ranked level 5 get hauled away by Anti-Skill.

"That was surprising…" were the only words the boy said as the Anti-Skill van drove off leaving a certain level 4 alone. After about a minute of imitating a deer caught in the headlights, Accelerator pulled Last Order off his face and set her down on the ground before heading home, the girl followed after returning to her senses several seconds latter

"Wait for me!" she cried, however it seemed like everyone just wanted to fuck with her today as the girl heard another insane cry from her left

"ALEISTER!" the voice roared as it lunged at Last Order, only to be shot in the face.

"Who the hell are you?" the albino asked as he activated his collar. Only to realize he didn't need to, as he shot the thing in the face, and turned it off.

That was his first mistake.

Accelerator would awaken several hours later, to a crying Last Order and a mocking WORST only to discover he'd been defeated…

By a squirrel…

And our favorite vampire slayer would only be mentioned as the one who treated his wounds after the squirrel had stolen Last Orders Gekota and fled. Not even getting a cameo appearance.

Such is the life of Himegami Aisa, self-proclaimed magical girl.

_A Squirrel has defeated what is basically the most powerful man on earth! Our beloved Railgun has been arrested and our magical girl is ignored._

_Next time, Magic and Science unite to face a common enemy and accelerator learns what humiliation truly is!_

_All that and more on Attack of the Killer Death Squirrel!_


	4. Chapter Two: A Nun On A Railgun!

Anti-Skill had eventually released the young Level 5, but that much was obvious (seeing as she could easily escape if she wanted to) and they had even gotten a good laugh when her dorm's supervisor had come to pick the girl up and swiftly snapped her neck and dragged her corpse to her car.

She awoke the next day, apologized to Mitsuko, and began to clean the dormitory's bathrooms with the only other level 5 in Tokiwadai. As was her "punishment" for "assaulting" a ten year old.

After she was done, she had showered and taken off in search of something to do. She noticed that Kuroko was missing but assumed it was probably due to Judgment work and ignored it. while wandering the streets aimlessly she noticed a flyer on the window of a certain ramen shop and let out a squeal, but quickly covered it up before anyone could notice (unknown to her, EVERYONE around her noticed) the flyer was announcing a ramen eating contest with the grand prize being a special Ramen Gekota! Hoping to make up for her lost the last time. Mikoto marched into the restaurant, fully confident in her ability to eat all the ramen.

Meanwhile a certain Accelerator was having his own set of problems…

As of now, he had stopped trying to wrap his mind on exactly how a squirrel had defeated him and decided to just hunt it down and kill it with as much explosive things he could find. But there were two problems,

The first was, all squirrels looked the same! While that squirrel may have looked different Last Order wouldn't be any help in identifying it as she was still being depressed, But at this point it was more over her lost toy than him.

The second was…he had no idea where to start looking, and he refused to go back to the café.

So he was stuck on standby till Last Order could calm down enough to give him a description. It didn't help that WORST was still mocking him about losing to a squirrel.

But if the fucking brat didn't calm down soon, he'd go out there and kill all the squirrels he saw, PETA be dammed!

Back at the plot, our hero Misaka Mikoto was currently locked in a bathroom, emptying out her stomach due to the sheer amount of ramen she had consumed. Afterward she left the restaurant. Angry because she lost, embarrassed because she had threw up, and ashamed because she had been forced to pay for all the ramen she had eaten (and then…"un-eaten"). But she refused to let that get the better of her! She'd go back to the ramen stand and try again! However upon seeing a bowl of ramen, the girl felt sick to her stomach.

"It pisses me off!" the girl mumbled to herself, she decided to head to a certain vending machine to relive some stress, but it seemed like fate had other plans.

In the form of a nun who looked like she was trying to bite through metal.

"What are you doing?" the brown haired girl asked, giving the nun a blank look. The girl in question noticed her presence and cried out "ah short hair! What are you doing here?"

"I asked you first, and my names not "short hair" it's Misaka Mikoto!" Mikoto replied, the nun gestured at the cleaning bot, which she was currently attempting to strangle and responded "this thing stole my doughnut and I'm trying to get it back!"

"Why would you want a doughnut that fell on the floor…" the girl respond knowing full well that the robots only consumed things that hit the floor before remembering the girls eating ability "that doesn't matter, come with me!" she asked grabbing the nun by the arm and hauling her along.

"Wait my doughnut!" the girl cried as she was pulled away from the "evil" robot by her "rival"

Eventually both girls had calmed down enough for Mikoto to calmly explain the situation.

"so I'll be able to eat all the ramen I want and if I'm able to beat a strange fat guy, you'll pay for anything I want?"

"That's right!"

"I'll do it!"

Misaka Mikoto grinned, her victory was assured!

Also for reasons yet unknown, Touma was missing.

Alas, both girls made their way to the restaurant one was fully determined to obtain Gekota while the other was fully determined to obtain food.

The unholy alliance had been formed.

Meanwhile, another individual was facing his own crises…

=D= "you're not serious are you…"

:D "I'm dead serious Kamijou Touma,"

D: "do you honestly expect me to believe that a squirrel could do that!"

O-O "…"

:( "…"

"yes?"

ToT "I'm hanging up."

"Kamijou I'm serious! The things a monster with powers beyond our level of understanding, had he been on any battlefield in world war III he could of dominated it in less than a minute!"

"Look Stiyl, it's not that what you're saying doesn't sound like complete and utter bullshit, well that's exactly what it sounds like, but I'm actually really busy at the moment!"

"What can be more important than saving the world from an evil _killer death squirrel_?!"

"Well…"

Suddenly the magician heard a very flirty voice on the other line.

"Kamijou-chwan~ cum out and play~"

Stiyl blinked

"With my body~"

Stiyl's eyes widen at what the mysterious (and oddly arousing) voice had said before shouting angry yet colorful words meant for the boy on the other line of the phone, however the boy had quickly hung upon fear that he would be found. The words Stiyl used however would make a certain Accelerator and Tayuya so motivated, moved and enlightened that they would of hooked up and created an entire army of evil little monsters from scratch.

Luckily, that didn't happen.

Mostly…

"Hey fucker, what was that you said about an all-powerful squirrel?"

Thus sience and magic had become one, the only difference was that it wasn't for something as little as a toy.

…

Kamijou Touma had always considered himself an unlucky boy. From what happened to him on a regular basis to what was happening now, he couldn't help but wonder what he had done in a previous life to deserve this.

Maybe he had been Hitler?

Alas, that didn't matter now, while the misfortune he suffered on a daily basis was bad, it was life with the people he called friends. (Even if most of them were woman) but this…

This was just ridiculous!

"Kamijou-chwan~ if you don't come out I'll have to kill little kamijou~"

Oh god, what had he done to deserve this now he was about to lose his manhood too, this was just too messed up!

Wait now that he thought about it…

As if berating himself for his sheer stupidity at the moment, he punched himself in the groin with his right hand, a shattering sound was heard and after feeling the intense pain he cried, not only did he cry tears of pain but also tears of joy.

"Ah, found you~"

Ah, and just like that he was dead, such misfortune.

But just as the woman he thought of as a pedophile rapist (he WAS 16 after all) was about to pounce on his hunched over form (hey, he kicked himself in the groin to get his manhood back with the image breaker. what did you expect, for the pain to just go away?!) The pedophile rapist froze her eyes focusing solely on the figure in front of her.

"y-you but it can't be?!"

"Sorry but I don't believe we've met?

"That doesn't matter why you are here!"

"You're not serious are you?"

The girl stood their bewildered by the randomness of that statement, what did she mean by that?

"I was literally there when you kidnapped Kimijou over here," she said as she pointed at the fallen boy who was still withering in pain.

"What!"

"But really, I never even knew there were prostitutes in academy city?"

"Don't ignore me!"

"I didn't even know they did this sort of thing,"

"You think you've won, is that it! Is that why you aren't taking this seriously! I'll show you!" the woman cried attempting to use her power on the girl, only for the girl to click another button on her remote.

"wha?! What did you do!"

"Why does this come as a shock to you? I'm pretty sure you've figured out who I am by now?"

"I know who you are, your just some whore who's trying to make my job harder!" the woman cried still trying to use her ability to no avail.

However the other girl seemed to take offence to that and decided her fun was over "go drown in a river."

The woman did just that.

…

Meanwhile, deep within the city our red haired friend was having his own kind of dilemma.

The mission seemed simple at first, go to academy city and retrieve the squirrel, preferably dead. The arch bishop even joined him! But the second they entered the city, the entire thing just fell apart.

Laura had vanished like she was never there to begin with and the only person stiyl had left to turn too was probably getting some as he spoke. The bastard, he was even living with index and doing these sorts of things, he'd kill him!

But now there was a new problem, in the form of a certain white haired boy who practically screamed DANGER, RUN AWAY and demanded any information he had on the squirrel. In the end, they decided it was best to work together, if Stiyl was lucky, he'd be able to finish his mission and convince this guy to help him kill Kamijou along the way.

Accelerator on the other hand was furious! After getting tired of Worsts bitching and Last Orders crying he had stormed out of the apartment he shared with woman and killed every squirrel he could find then he happened to overhear some foreigner arguing with some other bastard who seemed to be getting some over the phone and realized that the foreigner knew about the squirrel. In the end it came down to the two finding the monstrosity together and in return for his help accelerator would kill the guy the foreigner was talking too.

He wouldn't of course, but what the hell he needed his revenge.

While this was going on, the unholy alliance was doing their own thing.

"She's already eaten thirty nine bowls"

"Impossible, look how short she is!"

"She seems to be too much of a glutton for a nun…"

"The real question is, is she REALLY a nun?"

"Maybe she'll manage to beat Princess Ramen?!"

"Impossible!"

"I've been meaning to ask about that, why's that guy called Princess Ramen?"

"I don't know…"

Laura Stewart was enjoying herself. But why shouldn't she? She had finally cornered her mortal enemy (number 678) in Academy City and would finally rid the world of his presence! Sure there were the obvious flaws in her plan…like the fact that she had tricked Stiyl into believing they were after a killer death squirrel, but really it was his own fault for believing in such nonsense.

Then she passed a certain restaurant and backtracked. The descriptions she heard sounded a lot like…

"I'm full…" the nun wailed as she collapsed, already on her fortieth bowl, Mikoto gasped and looked over at their opponent. Who was already beginning to catch up.

The opponent in question looked ridiculous he was obese, wearing a pair of speedows and a tiara. But he was a worthy opponent.

And if they lost…Mikoto could actually go broke!?

The bastard salesmen had raised the price of ramen to a thousand a bowl and her pride had made her agree to the challenge.

There was a word for this…

The Ramen shop owner laughed, "you reap what you sow Railgun! No one can defeat Princess Ramen!" he looked over at the man in question and then back at Mikoto and the sick looking Index "it's over and now you and your stupid looking friend will lose everything you have!"

The Ramen Princess joined in the taunting, already on his fifty first bowel "that's right, you were foolish little nun! you thought you could defeat me, HA!" the man mocked "go back to whatever "church" you came from and get molested by your stupid priests and other members of authority!"

Index twitched this fat man was insulting all that she stood for!

"Stop confusing us for Catholics!" the girl managed to mutter out, still feeling sick from all the ramen. The more she thought about it the more it didn't make sense, it was as if her ramen was denser that the fat guys?

"There the same thing!"

"No there not, one shouldn't say bad things about the church! Jesus died for your sins remember!" she shot back, ignoring the fact that she had contradicted herself.

"I'm a scientologist, I only believe in the truth! And that is science!"

Index's face darkened, her fragile all but disappeared and was replaced with determination and anger, burning hot anger. Suddenly as if by some magical trigger she remembered something she had thought was forgotten.

"_Remember Index, no matter what happens you are the holder of the 103,000 grimoires first and a nun second. Never forget your position!_"

"BRING IT ON YOU PIECE OF FAT SHIT!" she cried as she remembered the advice from the last person she should of listened to.

And so, it was brought and Laura only watched in amazement as Index literally gobbled down every bowl that was given to her, in a matter of minutes she had consumed enough food, HUMAN FOOD to feed the entire church for a year. But Laura shook her head. Maybe she should have done a better job at teaching index how to communicate with others…and maybe she should of done a better job at making her understand her position in Necessarius…

Ah well, too late now.

It seemed like the contest was ending but something caught Lauras eye.

It was a girl who looked an awful lot like the girl behind Index…

…

Mikoto was feeling ecstatic, "Take that!" the Railgun laughed and looked over the Getoka, it looked a lot like Uzumaki Naruto from the Naruto franchise but as she paid closer attention to it she noticed something odd.

The Ramen stand owner cried now he was RUINED! That nun had eaten his entire supply! A dark thought had entered his mind…maybe making the Ramen in the nuns food thicker than the Ramen princesses wasn't such a good idea, maybe this was karma? NAH!

The Ramen Princess sat in a puddle of his own vomit, having lost the fight by only consuming around 96 bowls. He was broken, beaten, and humiliated (like wearing nothing but a speedow wasn't humiliating enough)

He cried, his sadness however was soon replaced with an intense anger and he looked over at the one responsible. Who was currently rubbing her belly because the first time in her life she was felt full and sick to her stomach. She failed to notice the change in the atmosphere though. And the Ramen Princess made his way over to her, fully intent on taking his revenge. However the Ramen Stand Owner stopped him, telling him that if he wanted to take his revenge he should wait for a better opportunity.

The poor fools deserved what happened next. Mikoto, who had noticed their intentions and something odd about her prize began to spark. She was annoyed and saw this as a perfect excuse for what she was about to do.

"YOU FUCKERS!" she cried flicking the toy in the air and aiming her signature attack at the two "this is a counterfeit, I wasted all this food and money for nothing!" she yelled, shooting the attack and sending the two flying. The raigun itself was only at about 5% power so it wouldn't kill them, however much to her surprise she spotted Anti-skill outside.

"Aw come on!" she cried, deciding she didn't want to be caught so she grabbed her partner in crime and made a mad dash through the back, using Magnetism to scale a wall and reach the roof before Anti-skill could make a move to follow her.

"Wait, let her go." A man said before his subordinates could move another inch

"But sir, why?"

"because she just stopped a pair of criminals"

"so?"

"So, So? SO!" the boss yelled as if his subordinates were morons "do you have any idea what will happen if word got out that the Railgun actually HELPED anti-skill do their job?!" his subordinates shake their heads "it'll make that guy carry out more of his gutsful justice" he said making every member of his squad shiver. Everyone knew who "that guy" was, and even the spectators decided it was best to lie and say Anti-skill had caught whoever they were talking about.

"Wait, what exactly did these two do?" an officer asked his boss refering to the Ramen Stand owner and the Ramen Princess who were paralized from by Mikoto's Railgun. the boss merely chuckled.

"Apparently they scammed a Kihara" he replied "and committed tax fraud but that's not important."

The Counterfeit Getoka remained forgotten. half melted half not.

…

_It seems Accelerator has yet to understand what humiliation means, but do not worry he is sure to realize it soon enough!_

_Next time on a Attack Of The Killer Death Squirrel, our hero learns just how "desirable" he truly is and is graceful for having all the friends he has. The Unholy alliance save a cat among other things, and a certain SISTER becomes a manikin! All that and more next time!_


	5. Chapter Three: Adventures Everywhere!

Mikoto stopped when she was sure she had lost her pursuers. It wasn't like she was scared of them, oh no, it was just that the Dorm Mistress was merciless when it came to "protecting"" the schools image.

But now she needed to think of something to do, she could try hanging out with Saten? It wasn't like the girl had anything better to do when her only other friend was working (unknown to her, Saten did have other friends) but whenever she hung out with the other girl things tended to get rather…weird.

However the sound of vomiting caught her attention, and she turned to see the small nun emptying the contents of her stomach. It took Mikoto a moment to realize where that vomit would land and she could only feel sorry for the people bellow.

…

Kamijou Touma always considered himself an unlucky person. He always found himself in the oddest situations and given the fact that he possessed a strange power…well it didn't help things.

So when he had finally caught a break and won a special ice cream cone for being the 100th customer, he was ecstatic! But that joy soon turned to horror as he dodged a well-aimed kick to the face. He did the only thing he could do in this situation, he ran.

Unknown to him, a certain Metal Out user was also standing in the same line. While everyone was confused by what had happened after the boy had won free ice cream they decided it was best to stay out of it. But not Shokuhou Misaki! Oh no, she decided to chase after the two after having recognized the boy being pursued as an old 'acquaintance'.

But let's face it, everyone knows that Shokuhou Misaki isn't an athletic person and she soon burned out and had to stop and rest.

Only a couple of feet from the ice cream stand much to her embarrassment.

However, after using her powers she managed to find Kamijou in an ally and decided to do what she did best. But **god **this girl was just so stupid! She had never met anyone stupider that her! She actually believed she'd get away with such a messy murder? Ignoring the sheer amount of people that had seen them the girl was literally standing in an alleyway full of cameras!

Then she had the audacity to try and attack her?

But Kamijou was there so she decided it may not be wise to make the girl brain dead and tried to find a solution to the current problem. But the stupid girl had called her names and made her feel bad.

So she told her to go and drown herself.

And the girl obeyed, but how could she not? No one could resist her Metal Out (well there were **those people**, but they weren't her enemy's so it didn't matter)

She then proceeded to help Kamijou out of the ally, they would latter learn that the girl had drowned in a kiddy pool, or tried to. She had died when she got caught in the line of fire between a member of Judgment and a terrorist.

But it didn't really matter because deep inside Misaki was feeling absolute bliss. Nothing could ruin this moment for her!

Except for the vomit that landed on them.

…

"Kid killing every squirrel you see won't make the one were looking for show up, in fact it may even make him more cautious."

"And why the fuck should I care?"

"Because if he's more cautious he'll be more careful and we'll never find him."

With that answer accelerator reluctantly let go of the terrified woodland critter, which proceeded to run as fast as it could from what it would always remember as the white demon. Turning to Stiyl, accelerator asked "how about you stop the bullshit and just tell me what this dammed squirrel really is?"

The man seemed to consider it, and sighed. "Fine, it was about twenty years ago before I was even around"

"Wait, what the fuck do you mean _before I was even around_?"

"I'm only fourteen"

"Bullshit!"

"Do you want to know about the squirrels past or not?"

"Fuck no I just want to kill it till it dies!"

Needless to say, this conversation went on for another ten minutes…

…

Himegami Aisa sometimes wondered what her purpose was. Her power was a joke and her friends always forgot about her.

Even the author of this fanfiction had replaced her with a blond haired girl who was more popular than her!

And as if answering her wishes, Himegami Aisa tripped and stumbled down a hill.

…

Mikoto sighed as she waited for the girl o finish showering, she didn't know why the nun was taking so long and honestly didn't want to explain why a non- Tokiwadai student was using there showers.

Luckily she didn't have to wait long and the girl finished, after about twenty minutes. Although she was upset that she wouldn't be able to wear her "walking Church" due to its horrible smell.

"Stop pouting, we just have to wash it and it'll be fine"

"But without my walking church I'm not index! I'm just some short blue haired girl!"

"You don't look any different to me?"

Index wasn't sure whether to be relived or offended, but she took the complement and both girls dropped off their smelly cloths at the dry cleaner, Mikoto deciding to pay extra to have them delivered to their dorms because she really didn't want to walk back. As they made there way to an undecided destination they noticed a group of people kicking a cat around and, both being cat lovers, decided to save it.

By save it I mean Mikoto fried them while Index tended to the cats wounds.

...

"Such misfortune…" the boy muttered dumping the smelly cloths in the washing machine and washing them, hopping that the stains would wash out…but knowing his luck they wouldn't.

He and the girl named Misaki had left after vomit had mysteriously fallen from the sky. They couldn't walk around smelling like that now could they. Although he wondered how vomit fell from the sky in the first place?

Suddenly there was a knock on his door and he opened it to find an annoyed looking Stiyl and a certain Accelerator covered in blood.

He barely managed to doge the fire ball before proceeding to pound the red head to the ground. Not really in the mood for more bullcrap.

Accelerator just stood there and watched the entire thing, giving a certain cat the remains of his latest victim. The cat happily accepted it and the two felt bliss as they watched Kamijou Touma beat the living day lights out of Stiyl Magnus without mercy.

It would be another hour before the two calmed down enough to explain things properly.

…

Laura giggled with glee, it was certainly worth making up a threat to take a trip to Academy City without causing an international incident. While she would need proof it was nothing filling a normal squirrel with enough mana to power a saint couldn't fix?

Then she'd just have Stiyl burn it and send its remains to the queen, easy enough.

"Can I leave now? Misaka asks becoming sick of being a dress up doll."

She was ignored and the Cosplay continued. But if she asked anyone else on the network, they'd say she had it coming.

How had this happened? Well she had lost her goggles and was asking around for them, then this strange pervert had shown up out of nowhere and offered her a new pair in exchange for helping her pass the time.

Now here she was, the once proud MISAKA clone was stuck cosplaying a pirate named Monkey .D Luffy.

"How about you try this on next?" the pervert asked holding up a Pikachu costume.

10032 whimpered.

…

Deep in School District 19 a certain Squirrel giggled his plan would begin soon. Kamijou was dead and he had finally tracked Indexes walking church, which was heading to a certain someone's house in School District 7. Nothing could stop him now!

He inserted the blue capsules into certain parts of his machine as he thought about what he'd do after he accomplished his goal. Maybe he'd try to start over and settle down? There was a nice community here in academy city after all.

Yes maybe he'd do that, but for now he had to focus on one thing, and that was completing his machine.

But noticing how long Index was staying in one spot was just too much and he decided he'd make his move all the machine really needed was the main power source which he could obtain at any time.

With that _The Killer Death Squirrel_ made his move!

…

Sitting on her bead, Shokuhou Misaki pouted. That vomit had ruined her day!

But little did she know that soon she would get involved with something much bigger. And finally accomplish her dream of directing a movie!

But that would happen another day, for now she continued to pout.

…

_It seems that Accelerator still hasn't understood humiliation, Touma seems to have avoided one problem only to get involved in another and the unholy alliance is moving._

_Next time, Touma realizes he needs insurance, the unholy alliance discus life, and Kuroko enters the battle of her life!_

_All that and more, next time! _


End file.
